


Not the Way I Planned

by Grizi



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 17:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1194042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grizi/pseuds/Grizi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sherlock returned from his "time away", he had it all planned out in his head...how his reunion with John would go...how he would tell John his feelings...how they would be back at 221B together...all of it...but it didn't quite go according to plan...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Way I Planned

 

I was completely confident that walking in on whatever dinner engagement John had was the perfect way to let him know I was back.

But then I saw him sitting as his table alone, drinking a glass of red wine.  I hesitated.  Perhaps it was a mistake for me to interrupt his evening.  Perhaps I should wait for another time. 

Then the server passed by me and I had a brilliantly hilarious idea that I knew would make John laugh.  I eased my way through the crowd, glibly grabbing the items I needed, the piece de resistance being the eyeliner for the tiny mustache on my upper lip.

I put myself right in his face, but he never turned.  He never looked at me.  He was very obviously distracted by his thoughts.  When I removed the glasses that had pretty much blurred my vision of him close up, and mentioned “a face from ze past”, he did not even glance up at me!

“Great. I’ll have that one, please,” he murmured distractedly as he gulped down the end of his red wine.

“It is familiar, but, er, with the quality of surprise!” I said, dropping the French accent at the last second.

He handed me the wine list without looking and said, “Well, er, surprise me.”

“Certainly endeavouring to, sir,” I said sullenly as I took the menu from him and stomped away. 

He hadn’t looked in my direction once!  I had thought I had taught him to be more observant than that!  I thought perhaps he would notice within seconds, but he had not glanced at me even for a moment.  I crossed the room and turned to glare at him, hoping beyond hope that even then, even now, he would realise what he had heard and recognize me.

It was then I realised why he had been so distracted.  I watched as he pulled the small ring box from his jacket and opened it.  The beautiful diamond trio was stunning.  And my heart fell.  He had moved on as Mycroft had said.  But if the box was on the table, he hadn’t asked yet.  I still had time to make John see that it wasn’t what he wanted.  I still had opportunity to let him know that his days of excitement and adventure were not over.  I still had a moment to let him know that it had all been for him.

I had to stop him.

I stepped over just as he was about to ask…I had seconds…

“... if you could see your way to ...”

“Sir,” I said, interrupting blithely, “I think you’ll find this vintage exceptionally to your liking…It has all the qualities of the old, with some of the colour of the new.”

“No, sorry, not now, please,” he replied, not looking anywhere but at the woman across the table from him.

“Like a gaze from a crowd of strangers ...” I pressed on, praying he would look up in time. “...suddenly one is aware of staring into ze face of an old friend.”

“No, look, seriously,” John replied, his ire growing, he finally looked up at me, “could you just...”

“Interesting thing, a tuxedo,” I said with a slight smirk, “Lends distinction to friends, and anonymity to waiters.”

I watched as John turned to look at the girl across from him for a moment and then ducked his head.  I didn’t miss the tears that had gathered there.  Were they for her or for me?  At that moment, I couldn’t determine.  At his sudden standing, I stepped back slightly.  He straightened and I moved to shake his hand in greeting, but I instantly realised it was not going to be welcomed.  He lifted his head and locked eyes with me.  He was clearly shocked that I was there.  But there was more.  There was a desolation I had not expected.  He looked away and I saw a tear drop on his hand.

“Well,” I said awkwardly, trying to come up with something pithy to say, “short version...not. dead.”

His eyes flashed back up to mine.  The anger and hurt were paramount.  The devastation I wrought shone so clearly in his eyes, I wanted to run away, but I could not make myself move.  I had destroyed him.  I had destroyed us.

“Bit mean, springing it on you like that, I know,” I said, trying to lighten the mood a bit, but I couldn’t look him in the eye any longer, “Could have given you a heart attack, probably still will. But in my defense, it was very funny…Okay, it’s not a great defense.”

“Oh no! You’re…” John’s companion stammered.

“Oh yes,” I replied quickly, not really taking my eyes from John.

“Oh, my God,” she said angrily.

“Not quite,” I replied with a smirk.

“You died,” she sniped, “You jumped off a roof.”

“No,” I simply replied.

“You’re dead!”

“No. I’m quite sure. I checked,” I said as I reached over and grabbed her water glass and a napkin, “Excuse me…” I wiped the makeup from my upper lip and smiled at John slightly before I asked, “Does, er, does yours rub off, too?”

There was no humor in his responding smile.

“Oh my God, oh my God!” the woman harped, “Do you have any idea what you’ve done to him?”

An angry part of me wanted to tell her to shut up, that yes, I was only now beginning to understand what I had done.  But as long as John was not looking at me, I could not take my eye from him.

“Okay, John, I’m suddenly realising I probably owe you some sort of an apology,” I said to him softly.

His response was to slam his fist into the table.  I jumped.  The girl jumped before she tried to calm him.

“All right, just...John? Just keep...”

He pulled in a deep breath before he spoke barely above a whisper.

“Two years,” he said, shaking his head, pulling in air like he couldn’t get enough and then exhaling like it was all toxic to him.  He stood up and looked at me.  I couldn’t look him in the eye again. “Two years,” he repeated before he moaned and slumped backed over the table.  I didn’t know what to do.  I had no idea how to comfort him when I didn’t know where I stood with him.  He looked back up at me again and continued, “I thought…” he groaned again and waved his hand in the air as if begging the words to come to him, “I thought …you were dead…Hmmm???”  He inhaled quickly, again as if he couldn’t catch his breath, “Now?? You let me grieve, hmm?? How could you do that? How???”

I looked into his eyes then.  I saw the anger.  I saw the hurt.  I saw the sadness and the betrayal and all the emotions that I knew would be there.  I even saw that deep down, John Watson still loved me, but he had been so devastated by my leaving, so hurt by this betrayal, it was too buried and too damaged to be of use to me.

“Wait – before you do anything that you might regret...” I knew the only way we were going to move on, go back to being Sherlock and John was if he could get rid of all of that. His groan of anguish almost stopped me, but I knew I had to continue, “...um, one question. Just let me ask one question. Um...,” I couldn’t help but giggle at the silliness of it all, for that moustache really was silly on his face, “Are you really gonna keep that?!”

I turned to grin at his lady friend and she laughed, I know in disbelief that I would say such a thing, but also a bit in agreement.  It was in that split second I found John Watson pushing me backwards, the two of us stumbling to the ground and the man’s hands around my throat.  Everyone thought he was going to kill me.  I knew better, even at that moment.  His hands were around my throat, but he never squeezed, not once.  If it had been anyone else, I would have sworn he was feeling for my pulse…

So no, it didn’t go as planned…And that was just the beginning of how my reunion with John Watson fell to bits…


End file.
